Helping Heal
by Beren's-Wife
Summary: Harry suffers under his uncle, Snape finds out and gets him out. Because nobody is there Harry has to stay with Snape...
1. Chapter 1

A/N: That's my first Harry Potter story ever and I hope you like it! Please tell me what you think!   
  
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me )-:  
  
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Helping heal  
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Chapter 1  
  
Snape hated being in the Muggel's world! Not just that he couldn't use magic, he also had to wear those ridiculous clothes! A black jeans and a black shirt - he would have given everything for his robes.  
  
But being here hadn't been exactly his choice. Albus had asked him to go to a friend of his and bring him a magic stone which was too precious and powerful to be sent by an owl. There had been nobody else to do it. It was summer holidays and all the teachers were away from Hogwarts, visiting friends or family, even Hadrig wasn't there. Dumbledore himself was visiting a friend, Nicolas Flamel, who would soon die, just as his wife had a few weeks before. It was probably the last visit and Snape could understand that he didn't want to miss it.   
  
Now he was here in London, he had just left the house of Albus' friend and walked down one of the dark streets. He stopped when he came to a house he knew. Of course he hadn't seen it yet but he had heard of it more than enough. Harry Potter was living there.   
  
Not that it was of any interest for him.  
  
The potion master just wanted to go as he heard a loud scream from inside. It had obviously been Potter's voice. Snape didn't have time to think, he went inside the garden, hissed a spell to open the door and entered the house.   
  
As he came in a fat, blond boy stood in the floor, staring at him in shock. Then he turned around and ran into one of the rooms. "Mum, Dad, there's a man in the house!"  
  
Severus Snape just rolled his eyes, it wasn't that he exactly loved children, but this one was pure horror. After a moment he followed him into the kitchen. What he saw shocked him deeply.  
  
He had seen many bad things already but that was pretty much, even for him. There was a man who was just as fat as his son, at least he thought that it was Mr Dursley. Who else could it be? To the man's feet Potter was lying, looking miserable. There were many dark bruises on his skin, he bled from several cuts. His glasses were broken. Desperately the boy looked up to his teacher.  
  
Dursley came towards him, looking more than angry. His round face was dark red. "What the hell are you doing here?"  
  
Snape just stood there and stared at him coldly. He could hardly control the the rage cooking inside of him, withing minutes several hundret curses ran through his mind. How could that man dare to treat a child like that? Harry was only thirteen after all.  
  
"Professor Snape", Harry whispered and looked up at him, he seemed to be ashamed for only a few moments later he bowed his head again.  
  
The man who was still standing next to him inhaled deeply, then he began to yell: "Professor? So you are one of those crazy people who want to make a wizard out of this boy! Get out of my house!" He furiously gestured towards the door.  
  
"Don't you tell me what to do!"  
  
Harry flinched. Snape had spoken in an almost soft voice, but there was this dangerous look on his face, which was no good sign at all.   
  
The potion master looked down at the boy now. "What happened?"  
  
"Dad!" Dudley screamed in a shrill voice. "Throw him out!"  
  
Harry ignored him and spoke slowly. "I have broken two plates and a cup. It was by accident, really. He punished me for that." Usually he didn't like the teacher, in fact he even hated him, but now he was more than glad that he was there.   
  
"He did this to you because you broke something?" Snape asked and his eyes widened in disbelieve and Harry realized that even he wasn't as bad as his uncle.  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
For a moment Severus closed his black eyes and forced back the urge to kill this man. He could all too well imagine how Potter must have felt growing up here and even though he had never had such a good relationship to the boy he wanted to help him. Of course he couldn't stay here! Snape knew where this would end.  
  
"Dad! Why don't you do something? I don't like this guy - so throw him out!!!!"  
  
"Shut up!" The professor finally snapped and shot Dudley a sharp look which made him fall silence immediatly. "And you," he looked at his student. "Come with me."  
  
"If you go now," Mr Dursley said in a dangerous voice, "you will never come back!"  
  
"Don't worry, he surely won't." Snape turned around dramatically, as always, and walked towards the door. Harry slowly followed him.  
  
"Where are your things?" Severus asked as they were on the floor. His voice was still cold as ice, he was raging inside.   
  
Harry feared that the anger was towards him and spoke very softly. "In the closet under the stairs."   
  
The potion master walked towards wooden door and opened it with the same spell he had used to get through the front door. There sat Potter's white owl Hedwig in a small cage, obviously she had been there all the time. Next to her there were the other things which were needed in Hogwarts. He took it all and walked towards the exit. When he turned around the boy was standing there, staring back at his uncle and cousin. "What are you waiting for, Potter?" Immediatly Harry turned around and followed him.   
  
"Don't come back, you freak!" Dudley yelled after them and Snape could only guess wether he meant him or the boy behind him. Probably both.   
  
The professor rolled his eyes. "I want him in my lesson, just once", he whispered and sighed.  
  
He had been talking more to himself but Harry smiled slightly as well. That would have been great! Dudley in Snape's class. Probably he wouldn't survive more than five minutes.  
  
"Don't worry", Severus said now. "You won't have to go back to them. But there's also a slight problem." He saw the boy looking up to him fearfully. "You will have to stay with me for a little more than four weeks. There's nobody else in Hogwarts."  
  
TBC 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks for the good reviews!!! (-:   
  
I hope you will write one for this chapter, too! Please tell me what you think!  
  
The third chapter will be longer, I promise!  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Several Snape led Harry Potter down into the dungeons. The young wizard had only been in Snape's classroom until then but now they went into the professor's private rooms.  
  
He didn't know what to think about spending four weeks together with his least favorite teacher. Of course he was more than glad that he was away from his uncle and aunt but on the other hand he didn't know if Snape would be any better. Well, at least he had seemed to be pretty disgusted as he had come in to realize what had been done to Harry. No, it absolutely couldn't come worse, not even with Snape.  
  
After causing a painting of a black horse to open by muttering a word Harry couldn't understand the potion master opened a heavy wooden door in which magical symbols had been carved with great care. Then the two of them entered a room with glasses standing around everywhere, in some of them swam strange creatures Harry couldn't name. There was a book shelf with hundrets of books, to the boy's surprise there weren't only books about potions but also some books about magic in general and even a few novels. There were three doors which led to other rooms. In front of the fire place there was a sofa and an armchair, both in dark blue. Even though everything looked pretty dark it wasn't uncomfortable at all. The only thing Harry would have to get used to were the things swimming around in the glasses for most of them looked very, very ugly.  
  
Snape walked towards a door, opened it and stepped aside to let Harry enter. It was a bedroom. In the centre of it there was a big bed with dark red sheets, in a corner the student could see a desk and a chair, a small fire place was there as well. That was so much better than his old room!   
  
"You think you can endure living here for a few weeks, Potter?" A cold voice came from behind.  
  
"Of course, thank you, sir!"  
  
The potion master placed Harry's baggage on the ground in his room and turned around again. "I will go to mix a potion that will help you to heal faster. You can stay in here or in the living room, just keep out of my room." He gestured to one of the two other doors. "The bathroom is in here." His finger wandered over to the last door. "If you are interested in one of the books just take it. But handle them carefully and put them back from where you got them as soon as you are finished. Oh, and before I forget it - as soon as you feel better you will want to get out. The gardens, or where ever you want. The password to come through the painting is 'Slytherin'. Before you say anything: Yes, I know that it's not very creative, but on the other hand, who would think of something as simple as this?"  
  
Before Harry could say anything the man was gone.   
  
The boy sighed and walked over to the book shelf too take a closer look on the books. All of them where bound in leather and some looked very old. 'Probably pretty expensive', Harry thought to himself as he placed it back into the shelf. Finally he found something interesting and settled on the sofa. The armchair probably was Snape's place.   
  
The young wizard sighed for still every muscle in his entire body hurt like hell. He really hoped that the potion his teacher was making would help. As good as he could he tried to concentrate on the book.   
  
To his surprise it was pretty good. He had never expected Snape to have a good taste but he obviously had. It was a crime story which had wizards and witches as the main characters. Harry really liked it and quickly forgot everything around him.   
  
******  
  
Snape walked over to the classroom for all the things he needed for the potion were there.   
  
He carried everything over to the table and started to mix it. It took him some time to finish it and so he had a few moments to think about what had happened.  
  
Of course everybody in Hogwarts had known that those Muggels Potter had been living with weren't too nice to the boy - but nobody could have imagined that it had been so bad! Something in Harry's eyes had told him that this hadn't been the first beating. No, not at all.   
  
Severus sighed. All this reminded him so much of his own past, his childhood. And that was something he really didn't like to think of. His father, his mother... 'No! Don't, just forget all about it", he told himself desperately. Something he had done for years, unfortunately without any success.   
  
But now he had to worry about the boy who was waiting for him right now, probably still in pain. Oh yes, the pain. He remembered it all too well! Lying awake all night, hoping in vain that it would fade...  
  
He shook his head and banished those thoughts from his mind. After nearly 45 minutes he had finished the potion and quickly returned to his rooms.   
  
The heavy door flew open without making a sound and Snape looked around. Harry was sitting on the sofa and read a book. Still the dark bruises were obvious on his skin and the potion master had to hold back a sigh.  
  
He walked in and cleared his throat for Harry to hear him. The young wizard turned around and lay the book aside.   
  
Severus sat down next to him on the sofa and handed him the glass with the healing potion inside. "Drink this, I know it tastes bitter but you will feel better afterwards."  
  
Harry nodded his thanks, took the glass from his teacher and took a sip. Snape hadn't lied at all, it tasted terrible! He took a deep breath and then he swallowed all at once - and regretted it immediatly. It felt as if he would never be able to get rid of that taste again. Even though he didn't want it he grimaced. Suddenly a slender hand appeared in front of his face, it held a glass of water. At least Harry hoped that it was water, not one more bitter-tasting potion.  
  
The professor watched carefully how his student drank the potion he had mixed for him and saw how the boy grimaced afterwards. Yes, he knew out of own experience how bad it tasted, but he also knew that it really helped. And since Madam Pomfrey wasn't there either they didn't have much choice. Anyway, Snape stood up, filled a glass with water and handed it to Potter. After drinking it he seemed to feel better. Severus took the now empty glass back.   
  
"Thank you, sir", Harry said in a very low voice. He still didn't know what to think about all this. Of course he was more than grateful that Snape had brought him here but after all he wasn't his favorite student. And he also didn't seem to be too happy about the current situation. Probably he hated having him here.  
  
"You're welcome. You should go to bed now. You must be tired and you need rest. The potion will work better then." There were no emotions in the potion master's voice but there was nothing of the usual hate in his voice or eyes either. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to stay here after all.  
  
"Yes, sir. I'm very grateful that you let me stay here, really. Goodnight." With that he turned to leave.  
  
Harry was surprised to hear Snape's voice behind him as he walked towards the guest room. "Goodnight, Potter."  
  
TBC 


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Hi! I'm really glad that you still like my story! Please review to this chapter, too (-:  
  
Chapter 3  
  
It was hard for him to fall asleep, every time Harry closed his eyes he could see his uncle Vernon standing over him, ready to hit him again - Dudley, as always, standing on the other side of the room and grinning like an idiot and of course his aunt didn't care.  
  
His eyes flew open again then and sometimes a soft scream escaped his mouth. Afterwards he immediatly fell silent again for he didn't want Snape to wake up. Of course the potion master had been somewhat nice to him the day before but that didn't mean that he would not get very, very mad when he would be disturbed at night. Harry didn't know what to think about all that yet and he really didn't want to taste his luck.   
  
But around 3 am he couldn't help falling into a deep slumber. The day had been more than hard for him and finally his body gave in.   
  
The peace didn't last long, though. After about an hour the nightmares started. He was standing in complete darkness, but suddenly he heard a loud voice coming from nowhere. The boy knew to whom it belonged - his uncle Vernon. "You worthless idiot, you should be grateful!" Harry wanted to run but he just couldn't move and so he just stared into the darkness, waiting for what would come. Dudley appeared, a broad smile on his fat face. He told him how stupid he was, that he didn't have any friends, that he would never have any. His voice failed him as Harry tried to argue back, to tell him that he did have friends now! Suddenly he stood in the living room of the house he had grown up in. But it didn't look like always, not at all. It was all dirty, covered with dusk and there were muddy foodprints on the ground, probably from Dudley. His aunt came through the door, she smiled one of her cruel smiles and told him to clean up. She wanted everything to be perfect until his uncle came home. Harry had   
just started as he heard the front door open. He shook like a leaf as he heard his unlce walking on the corridor. As he entered the living room he looked upon his nephew with pure hate. Without hesitation the big man walked towards him and raised his hand, ready to hit the boy before him. "Didn't your aunt tell you to clean up? You are just as worthless as you parents. Believe me, this time you won't go back to that school of yours! I will take care of that!" Then all Harry could see the hand coming towards him but before it could hit him he heard somebody's loud scream: "NO!!!" And he woke up without realizing that it had been he who had screamed.  
  
***  
  
"NO!"   
  
Snape abruptly sat up in his bed and looked around. Who the hell had screamed like that? It took him a moment to remember everything that had happened but then it came back to him.   
  
Harry Potter was here, and obviously he had been screaming in sheer panic.   
  
As fast as he could Severus got out of his bed and ran towards the guest room where the boy would live for the next few weeks. He opened the door and used a spell to light up the room.   
  
Harry sat on the bed, panting hard and trying to calm down. He must have had a nightmare.  
  
Of course Snape wanted to do something to help the boy but he had no idea what. He had never been in such a position in all his life. Finally he walked towards the bed, sat down on its edge and rested a hand on the younger wizard's shoulder. As the boy looked up at him with unshed tears in his eyes the professor felt completely helpless. He knew it wasn't right to talk in his normal cold voice now but he just couldn't bring himself to show any emotions, not after such a long time of hiding them. "Calm down, Potter. You are safe now."  
  
Even though though the sound of Snape's voice wasn't very comforting the words caused Harry to relax a little. To his surprise the professor's hand was still on his shoulder. Again he heard that cold voice. "Are you feeling better now?"  
  
The boy forced himself to nod. "Yes, sir. Thank you and I'm sorry for disturbing you." He looked up at his teacher sheepishly.  
  
Severus nodded slowly, thinking for a moment. "Do you want something to help you sleep through the night?"  
  
For a moment Harry wanted to nod but then he decided not to. Of course it was tempting but on the other hand he didn't want to be a burden. He didn't want to ask the professor to prepare a potion at such a ridiculous time and so he shook his head. "No, sir. I'll be fine. You really can go back to bed."  
  
To Snape the boy didn't look fine at all for even though he tried to be brave his lips were trembling. And his eyes were still so full of fear, sadness and shame. The potion master remembered those feelings all too well. The terrible fear and sadness were bad enough but the shame was the worst. The feeling that you are worthless, that you deserve it, that somehow it must be all your fault...   
  
He probably had inhaled a little too sharp for Potter looked at him with a questioning gaze. "Are you alright, sir?" He asked in a small voice.  
  
Immediatly Snape nodded. "Yes, of course. Are you sure that I can leave you alone? I don't want you to hurt yourself when you panic, you are still not fully healed. Albus would kill me if anything happened to you."  
  
So that was it! How could he have thought that this man took care of him because he wanted to? After all Professor Snape hated him!   
  
Severus saw a disappointed look on Potter's face and wondered what was wrong. He hadn't said anything wrong, had he? A slight frown appeared. "What's wrong now, Potter?" The words had come out a little harsher than he had intended.   
  
Great! Now he had managed to make him angry. Harry just wanted to disappear into a big hole in the ground, but none opened. "Nothing, sir", he whispered, he was close to tears now. "Nothing. I promise that I won't disturb you again, you will hardly realize that I'm here."  
  
Now Severus understood! What had he just said? 'Albus would kill me if anything happened to you.' The boy had obviously taken that sentence the wrong way. He so wanted to make him feel welcome and it proved to be the hardest thing he had ever done in his life. For a moment he closed his eyes, almost feeling Albus' arms around him. "You are at home now, my dear boy", the headmaster had said in a soft and gentle voice. Something Snape had had never experienced before. It had felt so good, he remembered crying on Dumbledore's shoulder, for the first time in his life he had felt truly safe.  
  
He wanted to do the same for the boy who was sitting before him, a look of fear in his green eyes.   
  
But he couldn't - he just couldn't. All he did was shaking his head. "You don't disturb me. Don't worry about that."   
  
With that the potion master stood up, as calm and cold as ever. "Try to get some more sleep, Harry. I see you tomorrow."  
  
He turned around and was just about to put out the light again as he heard a small voice coming from behind him. "Please, sir, could you leave the light on?"  
  
"Of course. Goodnight."  
  
"Goodnight."  
  
***  
  
As Snape had left the room Harry allowed himself to sink back into the soft pillows. The professor would surely think him childish now, maybe he would tell the whole class that Harry Potter was afraid of darkness.   
  
Finally he couldn't hold back his tears any longer, violent sobs shook his body and he only hoped that Snape didn't hear it. He needed to be alone now, he knew that he wouldn't be able to sleep tonight, but at least he wouldn't have to hear the potion master calling him a 'cry-baby' or something as that.  
  
And so he lay awake for the rest of the night, staring at the high ceiling, hoping in vain that the memories would give him a moment of peace.  
  
TBC 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4  
  
The next morning Snape got up pretty early. He went up to the Great Hall, which was of course empty, and waited for the house elves to finish his breakfast.   
  
For a moment he had thought about waking Harry but then he had decided against it. The boy had had a hard night and Severus was sure that the rest would be more than good for him. He didn't want to disturb him.  
  
And so he had time to think everything over once more. He had to do something to cheer Harry up, if possible without showing any weakness himself. The last thing he wanted was to be confronted with his own past and still he remembered his father's voice very, very well: "Showing emotions is weak - you are weak!" That was probably the main reason why Snape had stopped to show his feelings to anyone pretty early in his life. Even though Albus had taughed him that this was the wrong way he couldn't get rid of old habits which had protected him for such a long time. The only time he really opened up was when he was alone with the headmaster. Even the other teachers thought him to be cold and he knew that they only accepted him, not a single one of them really liked him. He didn't want Harry to become like that. Always an outsider, never having friends, he even had thought about killing himself a few times. But fortunately Dumbledore had been there. Suddenly his vision blurred, the table before him disappeared and he saw the ground so far away. He was suddenly standing on a very, very high tower, the highest tower of Hogwarts. And all he could think of was the peace he would feel if he just found the courage to jump, no more pain, no more shame. But there was a gentle hand on his shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly. "Don't, please don't do that, Severus." Then he realized that this situation had been so many years ago, only a few hours after James Potter and his friends and tortured him again. For a moment it had seemed to him as if all that had happened just now.   
  
The potion master sighed. Thinking about all that again and again wouldn't help the boy who was probably still asleep in the dungeons. He had to do something to make him believe that he really cared about him for he knew that was the most important thing right now. With a sigh he bowed his head a little. He wasn't the right person for such things. If only Albus was here! The old wizard would surely know what to do. After all he had managed to help him as well.   
  
Suddenly a thought came to his mind. Today was Harry's birthday, wasn't it? He would get him something, something special. Of course he knew that a present wouldn't cause the problem to go away, but hopefully Potter would realize that he didn't hate him anymore. At least there was something he could do.  
  
***  
  
Harry slowly stood up, got dressed and walked out of his room. The living room was empty and he thought that Snape was probably in the Great Hall already and so he also headed for it.  
  
On the way he realized that his injuries almost didn't hurt anymore, the potion really had helped. Of course Madam Pomfrey's medicines worked much faster but Snape wasn't a healer after all.   
  
Still the young wizard couldn't believe that the professor had allowed him to stay with him for four weeks! School would start again in five weeks and Dumbledore and the other teachers would come back a week before. He had thought that Snape would find somebody else Harry could stay with but he obviously didn't intend to.  
  
As he entered the Great Hall the potion master looked up at him with his cold, black eyes. "Good morning, Harry. Did you sleep well for the rest of the night?"  
  
Was there a hint of worry in that usually emotionless voice? Nonsense! But why did Snape suddenly call him 'Harry' instead of 'Potter'? He had done it last night already when he had tried to calm him after his nightmare. Until now he hadn't really thought about it.   
  
Finally he collected himself and answered. "Good morning, sir. Yes, I did." That was a lie, he hadn't been able to fall asleep again but he didn't want to get on Snape's nerves. He had learned the hard way that this could be deadly.  
  
Slowly he walked over to the table he usually sat on while eating. The professor sat on the teacher's table. There was a distance between them and Harry was pretty glad about that.   
  
"That's good. I will go out today." Severus paused. He had to make up something believable. "Albus asked me to take care of something for him and I can't take you with me. I guess you come along on your own for a few hours?" He raised an eyebrow in question, waiting for the boy's answer.   
  
Potter nodded quickly. "Yes, of course, sir. Don't worry." Immediatly he regretted his words. Why should Snape be worried about him?  
  
"Alright then, I will go in an hour then."   
  
In this very moment the house elves came into the room, carrying their plates.  
  
***  
  
Severus slowly walked from one shop in Diagon Alley to another. What was there he could give to a fourteen year old boy? A book maybe? He entered the book store and after a few moments he found something about Quidditsch. Well, that was something. But it was a pretty small book and he didn't want Harry to think that he didn't want to spend money for him.  
  
So he left the store and began to search again. It was becoming frustrating. He didn't even know the boy - how should he know what he wanted then?  
  
He had a wand already, just like an owl and he surely didn't feel the need to have a cat, a toad or a rat as well, he had one of the best broomsticks and his robes were still fitting as well. And what now? So many wizards and witches were in Diagon Alley as well and none of them seemed to have any problems on choosing what they wanted. Why did it always have to be him?  
  
Maybe he should just take the book and go back to Hogwarts. After all it was better than nothing.  
  
But then he came to a shop which sold magic stones. That was it! Magic stones were very useful and the perfect present for a young wizard. Harry probably didn't even know about them.   
  
Snape entered the shop and decided to take a ruby one which shone brightly in his hand. He just hoped that Potter would like it.  
  
Afterwards he quickly returned to Hogwarts.  
  
***  
  
Harry returned to his room and sat down on his bed. For a moment he wondered what to do as long as Snape was gone. He was deadly tired but he didn't want to sleep, he didn't want to dream about his uncle, aunt and cousin again. Then he remembered the book he had started to read the day before. When he wanted to get up and look for it he realized that it was lying on his bed-side table. Snape must have brought it there.   
  
He sighed. Right now he didn't have the nerve anymore to think about that again. All he wanted was to forget everything, even if it was only for a little while.   
  
He had nearly finished his book when he heard that the door opened. So Snape had returned. Harry wondered if he should stay out of the professor's way or go out to greet him.   
  
"Harry? Are you there?" He heard him calling from the living room.  
  
"Yes, just a second." The boy got up, left the book on the bed and left his room. He wondered what Snape could possibly want of him.   
  
He remained standing in the door-frame and looked at the older wizard. "What is it, sir?"  
  
The potion master had something in his hands, something wrapped in paper. He sat down on the sofa. "Please come here, Harry", he said in a soft voice. Well, it was a normal voice, but for Snape it was really, really soft.   
  
The boy decided that it was better to obey and carefully sat down next to him. Suddenly he held the things the professor had brought in his hands. "Happy Birthday, Harry."  
  
TBC  
  
PLEASE REVIEW (-: 


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Sorry that it took me so long to update, but I had to do a lot for school! I hope I didn't let you wait too long!  
  
Enjoy!  
  
Chapter 5  
  
Harry didn't know what to think. For a moment he stared at Snape in shock, but then he realized that he was behaving stupid. Slowly he unwrapped his present and looked at it. To be exactly there were two presents. The first one was one of the few books about Quitdditsh he hadn't read yet. The second one was a stone, shining in bright red with a few dark shapes in it.   
  
The boy had never seen such a stone. Sure, it was beautiful, but certainly it had a meaning, too.  
  
Severus looked at Harry and waited for his reaction. He couldn't deny that he was more than a little nervous. Usually he never gave presents to anyone, except for Dumbledore. Until then he had never tried to get to know Harry and so he had no idea what kind of presents he prefered.  
  
Eventually the younger wizard overcame the shock and re-discovered his voice. "Thank you, sir. The book is great. But what is the stone for? I've never seen anything like it."  
  
Snape tried really hard not to show any emotions as he answered. He didn't want to drop his mask. "It's a magic stone. Some say that it guards it's owner but I don't know if that's true. Fact is that it makes your charms stronger as long as you carry it with you. It also gets warm if danger is close, so it's best if you keep it in your pocket."  
  
Harry smiled shyly. "Thank you. That's great!"  
  
Snape merely nodded, got up and went into his room.  
  
***  
  
Harry just stared after him.  
  
What had gotten into him? The boy had never thought that his cold and mean potion master was capable of any human feelings. That was all so weird!   
  
He really didn't know what to think about this situation and he so wished to be able to talk to Ron or Hermione, but of course that was impossible now.   
  
Why had Sape given him presents? Why had he left so quickly afterwards?   
  
Harry sighed a little. This man could be so frustrating - even when he tried to be nice! Maybe he was just doing that because Dumbledore would want him to? Possible. Probably he was just afraid of the headmaster's reaction when he would hear that the professor had been mean to Harry after all he'd been through. But on the other hand - would Dumbledore expect anything else?   
  
Why was he trying so hard to make him feel better then? First the comfort after the nightmare, now the presents... But if Snape really meant it well, why had he left him alone then after giving him the book and the stone?  
  
Again a small sigh escaped the young wizard's lips.   
  
He didn't want to think about it anymore and so he just turned his attention to his new book and began to read it.  
  
***  
  
He just hadn't been able to stand it anymore and so he had gone - fled - into his room. Of course he was glad that Harry had liked his presents but the grateful and yet curious look in his eyes had been too much for the potion master. If he just knew how to react to that!   
  
It wasn't hard for him to remember how Dumbledore had treated him: Gentle words, embraces, caresses, comfort...   
  
But he just couldn't bring himself to do that as well! And somehow he hated himself for that. He really should know what to do - after all he'd been through in his own childhood.  
  
Well, at least Dumbledore would know what to do. But he wouldn't come back for the next three weeks.  
  
Why did it all have to be so bloody hard?  
  
After half an hour of sitting around and pondering about what to do he decided that it wasn't fair to leave Harry alone for so long, not on his birthday. But would the boy even want his company? Maybe not, but he would still try.  
  
***  
  
Severus walked out of his room to find Harry still sitting on the sofa where he had left him. He was reading his new book and hadn't even realized his professor's presence.  
  
Snape cleared his throat and the young wizard looked up at him. "Oh. Hello, sir. I'm sorry, I didn't hear you."  
  
"That's alright. So you like the book?"   
  
"Yes, very much. You managed to find one of the few I didn't read yet", Harry said jokingly.   
  
"Good." The potion master didn't know what else to say and so he also took a book out of the shelf, sat down in the armchair next to the fire and started to read as well.   
  
Harry watched him for a while, still the question why Snape acted like that didn't leave his mind for a second. Why not just ask? 'Because you could end up dead, you idiot', he answered the question himself.  
  
Well, he just had to know, risk or not.   
  
"Sir, may I ask you something?"  
  
"Sure, but I cannot guarantee you to answer." Snape's voice was as sarcastic as always. Well, that didn't make it easier at all.   
  
Harry tried it anyway. "Why are you doing that?"  
  
Snape looked up and his black eyes stared at him coldly. But there was no hatred there, no disgust or anything like that. "What exactly am I doing?"  
  
"You are... well, you are actually nice to me." His voice was terribly shy and he hated himself for it.  
  
The potion master sighed and lay the book aside. "Because I've seen what they have done to you." He still tried to sound as if he didn't really care. It was getting harder and harder...  
  
"Yes, but I... I thought you wouldn't mind."  
  
'God, have I really been such a bastard?' But Snape knew that the answer was yes. He closed his eyes, thinking of an answer. "I may be unfair sometimes, or even most of the time, but I would never hit any of my students, even if I was allowed to. There's nothing I disgust more than hitting children."  
  
Harry would never have thought that Snape was thinking like that. Even though the potion master still tried to sound nonchalant the young wizard could see that he really cared. The look in his eyes was so different from usual. Compassion was shining in the dark dephs and there was also something else Harry couldn't name for sure. Was it pain? Impossible, there was no reason to.  
  
Or was there something he didn't know?  
  
Well, he certainly wasn't close enough to Snape to ask him and so he just tried to ignore it. Then he heard the deep voice again. "Of course I mind, I am not a monster, Harry."  
  
Potter's eyes widened. "No, I would never..."  
  
A wry smile came to the man's lips. "Do you think I'm deaf? I know very well how students talk about me. What's Weasley's nickname for me again? Greasy git?"  
  
Harry was sure that it was impossible to get more embarrassed. Without looking into a mirror he knew that he was as red as a tomatoe. How had Snape been able to overhear that? He feared that Ron would get into big trouble now. "It wasn't meant like that, sir, really..."  
  
"I know it was", the potion master interrupted him. "And I even understand you. But you may believe me, Mr Potter, I'm not always like that." He seemed to be lost in thoughts for a moment and Harry thought it was best not to disturb him now.   
  
The boy watched his teacher closely, suddenly realizing that there was really something like pain in those usually emotionless black eyes of his. What was wrong with the potion master?   
  
"Are... are you alright, sir?"   
  
Severus looked up, surprised to hear worry in Harry's tiny voice. Had he shown his thoughts to openly? "Yes, I'm fine. Thank you." He took a deep breath, trying to ignore his mother's voice in his head. 'You worthless bastard - I wish you had never been born.' Snape was sure that he would never get rid of this voice. He would never be able to sleep peacefully without a dreamless sleep potion, which he drank every night. Hopefully Harry would get over those dreams in time.  
  
He didn't know what to say and so he returned to his book.  
  
***  
  
Harry was bored.   
  
He was in Snape's house for five days now and he really didn't know what to do. The potion master wasn't mean to him at all, but he also wasn't really nice anymore. Maybe he had gone too far during this talk?   
  
Every night he had a nighmare and when Snape heard him he came to calm him, but then he went away again.   
  
In the evening of the fifth day Harry wanted to go to bed as he walked past the professor's room. The door was open but obviously Snape hadn't noticed him. The older man took a small bottle, opened it, sighed a little and drank the liquid - which had the same color as the dreamless sleep potion! Maybe it was still something different. But what else would someone take before going to bed?   
  
Suddenly Snape turned around and looked at Harry sharply.   
  
TBC   
  
Please review (-: 


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: DracoLovesHermione asked why Harry isn't staying in the Gryffindor tower. Well, I don't think that would be too good to be alone in the tower when it is usually for many students. I don't think he should be alone after all that happened. Even if his only company is Snape (-;   
  
And SISSI, don't worry, it won't be slash!  
  
Now enjoy the next chapter! And please review!!!  
  
Chaper 6  
  
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE, POTTER?"   
  
Harry flinched. Now it was Potter again, not Harry anymore, probably not a good sign, not at all. "I'm sorry, sir, I didn't mean to... to watch you. I just..."  
  
"You were just standing there, looking into my room. Unfortunately I was in it and so you were forced to watch me. Poor boy, that's really not your fault. How could I ever yell at you like that?" The professor stared at him coldly, his voice had been calm and still there had been nothing gentle in it.   
  
Harry felt his heart sink. The last few days he had actually thought that Snape had changed, at least a bit. But this time he had made him furious.   
  
He flinched as the potion master took a step towards him. "I'm... I'm really sorry, sir." With that he turned around and fled.   
  
***  
  
Snape sighed defeated and sat down on his chair.   
  
He really hadn't wanted to yell at the boy like that. It just had been some sort of reflex - self-defence maybe. Something which had helped him to survive over all those years. He knew that Potter hadn't meant any harm, but so many people he could think of would have laughed about him because he wasn't able to sleep without a dreamless sleep potion.   
  
Too many people had lauged about him already, he had become suspicious towards anyone but Albus Dumbledore. The headmaster had tried to convince him to stop taking the potion more than once but it had been without success. It had become like an addiction. All those years he had tried to forget about what his mother had done to him while he had been at home and what the other students had done to him when he had been in Hogwarts. During the day he was constantly wearing his mask, hiding his emotions - even from himself. And for the night there was the potion which stopped his dreams from remembering him.  
  
It had worked for so many years.   
  
But now that Harry was there, a boy who had been forced to experience nearly the same as he had himself. He couldn't close his eyes anymore, he couldn't just go on pretending that the world around him didn't concern him. But on the other hand he also couldn't go to Potter and open up to him as if they were best friends - still Severus didn't trust him completely. It was hard for him to trust, he had been hurt far too often. That was why he didn't let anybody in. Most of the people, even his collegues, thought he was cold or cruel. And the solitude didn't really add to a good mood.   
  
Well, now he had to do something.   
  
Without really knowing what to do when he reached it Snape headed for Potter's room.   
  
***  
  
When he stood before the door Snape felt tears coming to his own eyes as he heard the boy's desperate sobs. Quickly he wiped them away and without further hesitation he knocked and entered without waiting for an answer.  
  
Harry sat on his bed, his cheeks wet from tears and his eyes wide as he looked up at his teacher. He wanted to say something but Snape cut him off.  
  
"I'm sorry, Po... - Harry. I'm sorry about that outburst. I know that you didn't mean any harm." The potion master said in a surprisingly gentle voice. He hadn't even known that he was capable of speaking like that. "It's just... I lost my temper. And I didn't want you to see me drinking that."  
  
Harry looked down now, thinking of what to say. Could he dare to ask him? Well, he couldn't help trying. "Sir?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"It was a dreamless sleep potion, wasn't it?"  
  
For a moment Snape closed his dark eyes. Even though the young wizard wasn't really good in Potions he had recognized it. "Yes, it was. And before you can ask - no, you won't get any of it." There was so much disappointment in the boy's green eyes that the professor nearly regretted his words. Nearly. "You will get over it without a potion, Harry. You are strong enough. Stronger than I am." He hadn't wanted to add the last sentence, it had just come out.  
  
Harry was shocked. What had happened to Snape in the past? Surely something terrible. "Do you have nightmares, too?" Usually he wouldn't have had the courage to ask such a question, but suddenly his professor didn't seem so scary anymore. Had he possibly even gone through the same as he had?  
  
"Yes, I had - years ago." Severus' voice was hardly more than a whisper and it was terribly hoarse. He had never intended to talk about that, but now it was too late to stop. He couldn't just turn around to flee the room. Harry needed him now. It was too late for himself, he thought, but the boy would get over it. He would see to that.  
  
'When did I start to like him?' Severus thought.  
  
But Harry's eyes widened. Had Snape just said something about years? "You've been taking this for years?" His fear was now replaced by curiousity.  
  
After a moment the teacher nodded and walked over to the window. He just couldn't stand facing his student anymore, not when he was talking about that. "Yes, unfortunately. That's why I don't want you to start with it at all. The longer you take it the harder it is to stop. Of course you can take it a lifetime. It doesn't harm you, as you surely know. The problem is that you lose your pleasant dreams as well. Your sleep isn't really peaceful, you sleep like... a stone. You don't feel anything anymore. It's just - nothing. Now you may think that it's better than your nightmares. But they will be gone sooner or later and then you'll be glad that you didn't take the potion."  
  
Yeah, he was probably right. It was better this way. "Professor?"   
  
Wordlessly Snape turned around once more and Harry could see the pain in his dark eyes.  
  
"Why did you never stop taking the potion then?"  
  
Severus didn't think about his response. It just came out. "I never had pleasant dreams to lose."  
  
TBC 


End file.
